碎碎念

人老了

难免有点罗嗦

活了25年的人生

说老，却不是很老

如果我有100年的命

我已经过了1/4的人生

倘若我达到人类的平均年龄-75岁

噢！

1/3的人生原来就这样的过去！

当然，

人人说做人应该向前看，

而我却经常缅怀过去。

也有人说知足常乐，

我却在那里嫌现状不够好。

步入2011年最后一个月份，

真是令人极期待又担心

“花红啊花红！”

“哎呀，2012啦！会世界末日吗？”

“在这行一段时间了，有什么打算吗？”

“老了咯！还没有交男朋友么？”

“接下来有什么还没完成的快去做，不要留下遗憾！”

嗯，

的确是蛮多目标的！

可是再看看，

好像没有几个目标是可以在明年达成的

说我善变？

没有啦~~只是不过坚持

说我懒散？

哈哈哈，有少少啦！

说我胆小?

怕输咯！不想打没有把握的仗

哎，

是要浑浑噩噩的过日子吗？

或许，新的一年，

我真的需要新的刺激

有谁可以告诉我，

怎样的刺激才会让人生

觉得自己死后

没有太多的遗憾呢？

悲哀~~~

2010

A new year, A new stage. A new post.

Am I new?

明天

在这个时候写部落格，未免是最不适当的时候。

在每个人都很努力准备最后一张考卷的时候，

而我一个人却在这里忐忑不安。


明天，是很重要的一个日子。

大学生涯里最后一张考卷，

最没有自信和把握的一张考卷，

和大学同学相聚的最后一天，

也即将是准备踏出社会的第一步，

面对残酷未来的一天。


现在的心情，

除了是担心明天的考试考得如何，

还要担心考试后的工作面试会如何。

要准备考试而死啃的笔记，

还要准备面试时的心理建设。

当紧张和无助在一起时，

那种化学作用

会为我的表现打上几分呢？


如今的我，

除了准备，

还有什么可以

才能安抚我这不安的心情呢?

一段平静的日子

很久都没有上来了,大概有一个月了吧~或许是日子过得太美好了,有朋友的陪伴和关怀,是多么的难得!明天将会是最后第二个学期的第一份考卷,其实不是因为某人的电话(呵呵,某人就是在讲你咯!自己知道就好), 我现在已经在睡梦中了.并非是因为我把握十足,而是该看该了解的我都已经做了.只要准备了,接着就是应付罢了.

时间过得真快,还有几个月就得离开另一个充满回忆的地方了.短短的3年固然短暂,但我会十分珍惜这段日子里的点点滴滴, 因为我度过了很不平凡的大学生活.当然,平凡的定义因人而异!对我而言,这样的生活是独一无二的!

没有写部落格的这段日子,平静也充满着意义.除了忙碌于筹备活动,也和朋友们共享美好的聚会.剩下的几个月,我得好好珍惜了.因为,我很难会再拥有这样悠闲且快乐的日子了.

未来,就是要为自己冲刺.可我的未来,却还是个未知数.离开了这个地方,我开始不知道何去何从了.

姐妹的惊喜

最近的日子都忙昏了头,连今天是几号都不知道了~~感谢身边朋友的提醒,让我还记得我的大日子快到了. 首先要分享的是第一个庆祝会.和以往一样,都是我最好最久的姐妹陪伴在我身旁.

前一天老婆勤拨电话约我到最喜欢的餐厅吃晚饭,开始还以为老婆有什么重要事要向我宣布(有男朋友啊？追求者啊？工作的烦恼啊等等）。载老婆下班时就吱吱咋咋说个有的没的。当我抵达了目的地，发现姐妹们都在里面等我。开心到，惊喜到，没想到他们会到这里庆祝^^真是要感谢老婆的用心，还有整班姐妹们愿意抽空陪伴在我身旁。

幸福-ING

***每年不變的慶祝 不變的友誼 不變的姊妹情***


谢谢姐妹

Take A Break

This friday will be another due date for comm tech assignment. I believe my team members are working very very hard at this moment to finish up the assignment. I am too! But just wanna take a short break after looking at all the statistics and graphs, nevertheless, express my feeling.

Had an early class this morning with Ms Pauline and a bit frustrated with facilities in UTAR. Ya, we all knew about it. Suddenly I miss PC block a lot whereby i could change and talk to the staff about the malfunctions of the microphone. However, PD seems like worse than PC. I do not want to comment more about this. It's just pity to see lecturers have to repeat and repeat their lecture again, due to the microphone, sound systems and even the electricity in the hall.

After 1st lecture, I had a short meeting with my campaign members, to update them on the campaign matter. I tried to make it simple and fast, cause I do not want to waste anytime for them to listen to me talking something they might not interested in. Ya, maybe I've been repeat oevr and over again.

After that, asked Shane and Felicia to join me for lunch at Libre. Unfortunately, Felicia was not available, Freda and Phine were not attending the early lecture. So only Shane was invited for lunch with discount RM5 + discount for transportation to home. Ya, I just wanna promote how delicious the spicy seafood spaghetti I had with fair price that really full.

On the way back to campus, snap a few pictures on the sky that I felt so relax to look at. Such a clear view made me feel like want to go to seaside and relax awhile. Too tension I guess~~

Sky with No Cloud. Pure Blue

I Love This One. Cloud and Sun

My cousin is moving back to Alor Setar. Haih, I gonna miss him then~~ Tomorrow need to help him with his stuff. Ok, should back to assignment now, even though I don't plan to sleep tonight, it's better to finish it ASAP.

想转换心情

经过3次不满的发泄后,才发觉我的身体状况真的会随着心情而改变。在人生当中必会有起有落, 心情也一样.虽然我不是善变的双子座,但或许大部分的姐妹都是双子,近朱者赤,心情也变得很善变。

已经交了一份不是很用心做的报告,想着改此报告的教授或助教必定会吐血,抽筋,缺氧而死.因为那是一份很没有营养,兼没有标准的烹饪方法而调配的"报告"。当然,本小姐也没有之前那种松一口气的感觉,只有恨不得把它给烧了,再丢进巴生河里的欲望。

这个月中很疯狂的花钱在吃,电影,还债.不管是最爱的寿司,还是Spicy Seafood Spagetti,或是鸡尾酒，都满足不了我悲观的心情。还债只会让人更为消沉，更不用说调剂心情咯！唯一有少少作用的就只有电影了！就如我所说的，只有少少作用罢了。

看了很多部电影，最令人期待的莫过于：

Transformer

Public Enemies

Harry Potter

3部电影都充满着期待，但也少许让我失望。

Transformer的主角并没有十分特出，反而是反派的演出比较多。但还是满欣赏这部电影，虽然到了后面眼睛开始眼花缭乱。论精彩度还蛮充足的，加上MeganFox火辣的甫士让坐在我们后面的年轻小弟弟有性冲动，那还用说的更清楚吗？



Public Enemies是因为纯粹有我最爱的Johnny Depp。不管什么角色都可以演得这么有型的他，就算是坏人也会疯狂的爱上他的。报章说这部戏有美化劫匪的因素，不可否认，任谁看这部电影都站在主角Johnny的那一方。然而谁可以判断坏人都是坏的，好人都是好的呢？看这部电影的感觉是，不管你做了什么，都要付出一定的代价。尽管Christian Bale饰演的警官应该是一个好人，但为什么最后的他要选择自尽呢？那位身为警官的“肥佬 ”，为了查出Johnny的下落而殴打Johnny的女人,是对的吗？


最最最最令我失望的莫过于Harry Potter了！看过原著的人，只会厌恶这部电影。因为精髓完完全全不见了！我不是不了解电影不可能像原著一样放映着所有的情节，但是这部电影知识很纯粹的带过这个故事。混血王子是谁？查都没有查！Hermione和Ron的感情发展？好像是Hermione的一厢情愿！Ginny和Harry接吻不是在两个人的情况下发生的，而是在赢了Quidditch的庆祝会上! 过分到~~~与其草草了事不如分上下两集更好！不过我蛮喜欢这集的Draco。



今天已经是这个星期第3次逃课了，心里却没有任何的内疚。真为这样的自己感到悲哀~~明天是金鱼的毕业典礼了~~终于到了这一刻！我和婷到茨场街购买礼物，为了公平起见，连其他好朋友包括自己的毕业礼物一起买了。好久好久没有逛那里了。想当时中学的时候需要每天都必经的繁忙街道，很多都不一样了。 就好像以前的我，渐渐不见了。回首之前几篇的部落格，我真的消沉很多了。真的，需要振作了。希望心情也会转换一下了。

我很糟糕，这个星期

这个星期的心情不是很好，并不是因为外来的因素，而是自己不能调整自己的步伐。精神状况很差，身体开始出毛病，思绪很难控制－突然静下来，一脸憔悴，无精打采，短暂性失忆，甚至突然晕倒都一一发生在这个星期里。

问我到底问题出在哪里？我不知道。每天都在忙着找资料，忙着看书，忙着写写抄抄，可是脑袋却什么都记不了。考试时间表出了，竟然对课业没有一点头绪。课业呈现作的不够好，英语程度被人批评到不像话，没办法好好兼顾所有的功课。最悲哀的事，还是别人的不好必须由我独自来承担，只因为我是系代。

工作上，还算不错。感激上司与同事的欣赏，愿意让我这个外人来参与。谢谢你们对我的看重以及相信我的能力。我虽然不是最好，但我会要求自己做到最好，以报答你们对我的信赖。

日久见人心，这句话我铭记在心。对于一些面对面告诉我的缺点的人，我真的很感激，因为你们让我知道我错在哪里，让我寻找进步的空间。忠言逆耳，我真的了解。最起码我知道，你们有站在我的立场想过，一旦我越出了轨道，你们会拉我回来。在此，衷心地谢谢你们。

对于一些人，只顾自己说，只顾用本身的眼睛看，没有在乎过人家的人，我想说的是，别人不喜欢你，不是他们的错－是自己的错。没有人是完美的。最悲哀的，是根本不知道自己的错在哪里，也不愿去正视别人不喜欢你的原因。当你觉得别人不对的时候，你有想过自己的所做所为一定对的吗？

昨天，和嘉嘉送近藤先生回日本过后，我们都掉泪了。因为近藤先生是我们第一位日本老师，也是我最后一位日本老师。三年了，如今他回国了。嘉嘉说，三年了，很多都变了，我们也变了。

对呀！我也变了。开始学习放下，开始学习接纳，开始了解别人的想法，开始宽容的对待人家，开始谦虚地学习，开始学习看开。我不能再像中学时那样的嚣张，那样的强势。因为在大学和职场上，那些只会变成失败的因素，别人的把柄，不喜欢你的原因。

为了平复自己不好的心情，我又冲动的买了一样东西。





之前情人节时买了其中一个梦寐以求的香水



我好像越来越迷香水了哦~~下次我要买SHISEIDO ZEN了~~

有人陪伴多好~~

原本这个星期应该是蛮愉快的， 因为期待已久的刁曼之旅要来临了。可惜的是， 因为一些意想不到的意外，被逼取消了。或许是个预兆，或许是不宜旅行的日子，取消可能对我们来说是一件好事。在这段忙忙忙的时期，还是应该忙完该忙的事。

不管怎样，心情还是有点不好。一直作为原动力的旅行泡汤了，任谁都不好受啊!不过爸妈还蛮开心的，因为可以省回一笔钱，作为上海之旅的费用。哎~~~

星期四那天因为旅行被取消的事，整个下午的心情变得很很很糟糕。加上看见某人的自责而流泪，更是不好受！就在等待上晚课的同时，到“第一站”享受午茶+晚餐，顺便上上网。在网上，“大人物” （堕落取的）不晓得是不是没吃药捎来一封MSN讯息问候我。哎哟，本灵魂当然少不了发泄兼撒娇咯 =P 还“屈”他请吃饭呢！哈哈哈哈 ！“大人物”很少会拒绝我的啦~~酱久朋友了~~可是哦！他很忙的，所以时间地点还是由他决定，就让本灵魂少伤脑筋咯！

到了星期六，本灵魂便开始忙忙忙~~~作功课咯！真难得耶~~ 然后“大人物”拨电话给灵魂问我要不要出去。OK咯！人家难得酱愿意浪费时间在我身上~~ 不过时间还没确定，因为“大人物”还有事要忙。算啦,不要要求酱多咯!等人家有空才说咯~~

等到7时多，本来不打算吃晚餐的我已填饱肚子了，“大人物”才打电话来道歉，因为不小心去见周公了，只好直接带我去他朋友的PUB开张仪式。“大人物”很豁达地叫我请朋友一起同行，当时在我脑海里出现的，就只有我老婆,和堕落（几有你心）因为“大人物”每次都没时间管我（不理我却要我去，过分~~），很幸运的堕落愿意与我同行，谢谢你咯~~

到了那里，就如我想象的一样。“大人物”很自然的抛下我！哈哈哈哈，并不是我自虐啦！而是习惯了~~哈哈哈，就因为堕落就因为陪在我身边，那还好呗！想不到的事，在那里竟然见到很多中学时的同学-盛粹和势翔，还有前辈DANIEL（应该没有拼错吧~~）和一些美女，有沟通沟通一下啦！当然不能忽略堕落咯~~唯独“大人物”真的没怎么和他说话耶~~怪~~

和堕落和谈了很多，很多我们的故事。我一直很幸运，在我需要人的时候总会出现一个人陪在我身边。不管是“空少”，还是“大人物”，或是“堕落”，可能是“JOJO”，还是“老婆”，还有“金花们”等等~~呵呵，好幸福哦~~

只是，最近我的酒瘾好像犯了~~嘻嘻，当晚喝了两杯啤酒，还没有醉。回到家再喝我的鸡尾酒。哇哈哈~~星期日本灵魂又有不同的节目哦~~哈哈哈，下回再说吧！

Nothing Else but STRESS

I seldom take the opportunity to shout out my stress since i started my year 3 course. I would say, it is a tough year for me, not only because I am in Year 3, but also the responsibility that i need to carry along this year.

I promise to myself that i should push to the limit and reach the standard that i should within this short time before i work as someone i should. I knew that i am still far far away from the rest, that are capable in this industry.

I believe that stress is a kind of motivation, give me strength to move further, to the sucess.

Manage your stress before it manage you. Thanks for the slogan that proposed by my editorial team for my campaign. Even though it is not accepted by Dr. Selva, I love every slogans that you created which turn to be my motivation.Yes, I am going to have a Stress Management Campaign as my project for campaign planning end of this year. And I am the campaign director.
This is the main reason why I am so stressful.

Deal with 48 people is not an easy task, but I am glad that i have a team leaders that able to help me through these problem. I am not as good as the other 2 team director, as they have perfect languange and perfect skills in performing their super mighty English. Still, this is the main problem that we have, compare to the other 2 groups that have many good-english speakers and thinkers. Our main strengths now are based on my team capability, our hardwork, as well as our cooperation.

However, there are members who are still self-centered. They thought they have done the best, they take everything for granted, they do not even realise what the mistakes they have done, and they do not believe in others. It is hard to change people's behaviour and attitude, I KNOW. I wish that I could help, to improve our team. But useless if they do not care about it.

This week is really a tough week, which i almost give up myself for being tolerate and confident. All the hard work my members made are like rubbish in her eyes. I was so heart-broken to see all the efforts are wasted. Maybe it is my problem, that i am not a capable one to lead them, to help them to go through these hardship. 4 different identities i have make me weak and helpless-as a course rep, a campaign director, a team member and a student.

Till today, the last day of the week, thank to those who give me support and willing to be my shoulder and backbone. I always lucky to have you all, as teammates, as classmates, and as friends.

I am back to the person whom I should be, thank to your supportive advices. I cannot be weak because I am the leader of the team. I should back to that UNUSUAL me again, the one that seems confident and capable in handling the stuff that a leader always do.

I take the opportunity to release my stress today.

I went shopping - bought a cap and a jacket from my favourite brand, SUB
I danced para-para and play the drum at the amusement centre at Times Square.
I sprayed the new perfume that I bought for myself during Valentine
I took a short nap - fall asleep while watching the animation.
Last but not least - I start with my blogging moments again.

看不见的自己

事件发生的两天前，忘了因何事而谈起这件事
我妈告诉我，他曾经说，几个之中最漂亮的是我
我有点错愕
因为自己知道自己有多少斤两
漂亮不可能和我有任何的挂钩
如果是现在的我，或许因为服装和妆扮
勉强粘上一点边
可是他说的是，小时候的我
在几个漂亮的小美女中，
他眼中觉得漂亮的
是一个黑黝黝，头发乱糟糟，不修边幅，
粗鲁顽皮，男性打扮的我
连自己都不欣赏的自己
自己都觉得本身一点美感没有的人
在他眼中却是漂亮的
想到这里
我，掉泪了
为什么他看见，别人看不见，自己也看不见的美呢？

与另一个她生活好几年了
曾经生气她的偏心，曾经生气她的脾气
然而，我仍然记得小学时她替我紮的辫子
记得替她当跑腿，也记得陪她逛夜市
也记得她教我在清明的时候折金纸
也记得替她清理那跌伤的伤口
好几年前，她的霸气不见了
取而代之的是那天真无邪的笑容
傻傻的看着我
她记得的，就只有我的一家人
那些她曾经宠爱的人
她似乎不记得了
我妈告诉我，她称赞我很乖，很听话
自认叛逆，外向的我，会是乖的吗？
就会顶嘴和骄傲的女孩
在她的眼中却是乖的
想到这里
我，又掉泪了
为什么她看见，别人看不见，自己也看不见的乖呢？

为什么他们在我身上看见，我看不见的自己呢？
前者的事刚刚过去，后者的事已经好几年了
想起时，心揪得好痛
泪不停的流

电脑键盘上，残留着灰尘和指纹
还有

我的泪痕

不一样的新年

今年的新年和往年的相比,不一样了.不管假期多短,时间多仓促,兴奋的心情还是免不了的.
然而今年,只有两天假期的新年,
为学业冲刺的新年,
为功课而烦恼的新年,
没有期待的新年
我宁愿不要过新年.

最想不到的
就是接到那意想不到,晴天霹雳的消息
看着母亲以泪洗脸,看着她不能接受事实的样子
我的心,很痛
却不敢掉眼泪
因为我必须坚强
和父亲一同撑着我母亲

虽说是人生必经之路
但那种痛
很难接受
曾经半夜惊醒,脸庞充满着泪水
虚迷的梦里
看见将来会面对的事实
我怕
我真的很怕

如今发生了
就在于一个想不到的时刻
所有相关人的命运
都会因此而改变
我也不例外

请珍惜所有你爱的人和爱你的人
因为生命
是多么的不可预料

三舅舅

请安息吧!

开学前一天

Yer~~~明天要开学了啦~~~

虽然很怀念大学的朋友以及忙碌的学习生活
但我也很喜欢这种悠悠闲闲的日子耶
最后一年了
有一种不想开学的感觉
因为一开学了
一眨眼
就到了毕业的日子了
前途还是如此迷蒙
心里还是拿不定主意
唉

明天除了是开学日
也是一位几厉害一下
几可爱一下
几好人一下
几38一下
几美一下
美女Joanne
的生日咯！

今天跑上公司兼学校-魔棋
和Ah Boi-EelnnaMay，Elaine还有一位小可爱
一起给美女Joanne一个惊喜
买了一个蛋糕给她



多怕她会骂人叻！
还好没有=p
***知道你怕羞啦！***
希望你有几感动一下咯！
我跑去买的哦！！！

哈哈哈~~
我亲爱的DeDeDeborah还要酸我叻~~
讲我去拍Pantene的广告
几衰一下咯~~~
开学当然要美美上学嘛~~
虽然我不美=P

Aiyo真的很怕开学啦！
科目好像几难一下咯~
难到~~
好担心不能维持我3.3的成绩
更别说迈进3.5的目标

~~~加油呗~~~

After Exam

考试过了一段日子，我也懒散了一段日子。其实啊，我应该说会继续懒散接下来的几个星期吧！说实在，最后一份考卷有点令我措手不及，也来不及做完。唉，都怪自己啦，一言难尽了！

假期里，朋友们要不就工作，要不就去旅行，日子过得蛮充实的。而我啊，却在家里上上网，看日剧韩剧偶像剧，偶尔看看书弹弹琴，要不就看看基本课程的参考书，要不就懒床躺在那里动也不动。是悠闲还是无聊，我已分不清楚了。

今天，是我的日记和金花姐妹的生日~~生日快乐~~昨天晚上12点就寄简讯给他们了。我想啊，姐妹明天要上班应该睡了，而日记嘛或许会因为工作没开电话吧！打算喝杯小酒，看看小说，就上床睡觉。没想到日记回了我简讯，难免还是会有点开心的，而早上也收到姐妹的回信了。看到两封简讯的内容，觉得自己还算是个不错的朋友。起码我的祝福是带给他们快乐，而不是公式性的问候。

当然假期也不是真的这样虚度青春啦！还是会和朋友聚聚唱K看戏，还要感谢ABBY姐和JOANNE让我参与魔棋的一些活动。这个学期，过得有点辛苦。新的一年快到了，我得好好利用这段假期好好调整自己了，为将来，为学业，为自己打好底子了。

圣诞节要到了，到处都充满着幸福的味道。今年的圣诞一如往常，静静地呆在房间里，好好思考，好好享受那宁静的圣诞节。

哭

这个学期的我，好像没有一丝丝想上学的心情。每天都只想躲在家里，睡觉也好，看电视也罢。就这样上上网，看看杂志的过日子。或许像这样轻松的日子，就只有两个科目的学期（而且有一课不列入CGPA当中）应该不会再有吧！

这天，就像往常一样懒散的过日子。整理了该整理的报告后，悠闲的上网站看漫画。有些朋友或许不知道，本小姐是一个全职的干物女，兼职的御宅女。要是你不明白其意思，就去google一下吧！有一本漫画追了很久但没有继续出版，多谢网络的发展让我得以看看瓮底的秘密。

我说，我是一个蛮容易落泪的人，应该不多人会相信吧！不管是电影，连续剧，故事书，甚至漫画，感动和悲哀时都会掉眼泪哦！还有朋友分手，伤心，我也会心痛哦！今天呀我竟然看漫画看到哭耶！现在想起来，最后一次为自己哭，是几时的是呢？

应该是进不了政府大学的那一刻吧！有点心碎，有点幻灭 - 梦想进入理大的梦破碎了！碎的，不只是自己的梦想与憧憬，也是父母的期望，还有一直以来的坚持。更久的，应该是心疼自己放弃了曾经心爱的他，责备自己和后悔自己的所作所为伤害了他。

原来，我真的很少为自己哭耶！哈哈，是好事吗？掉眼泪，好像是女孩的特权耶！

或许是，我很幸福吧！

Untitled Story 1

I thought I am always realistic, I live in reality. I guess I was wrong, I still keep myself in my own dream which so-called reality of my own. I keep on telling myself not to dream things that are impossible. But why am I still putting hope on that?

I am talking nonsense again.

HIMONO ONNA, a new Japanese term which describe exactly who I am. There might be a slightly different, but I have the major characteristics that apply to this group. Hopeless I should say because I am the kind of people who are very stubborn and refuse to change. I guess I will not get rid of myself for being himono onna.

Yes, I know I am hopeless

There are only another few days for me to be in Bridges as intern. 5 months, almost half of the year being here and get used to the environment I might have for my future. Again I ask myself, am I suitable to carry myself as a PR practitioner after 1 year? As what my friends in local university worrying, especially those who graduate next year, what are we going to do after graduate? Working or continue studying? Again we are in dilemma.

I will have my so-called 1 week holiday sooner and later. Can I just stay inside my room, lay down, think and do nothing?

Especially For You

First and Foremost, I would like to thank many friends of mine who wish me during my birthday as well as having the birthday celebration marathon for me. Too much things I would like to tell you all and it is hard for me to express it with words. Still, I wish that my readers would know, how much I appreciate all your efforts on this special day of mine – Love, Care, and Happiness I have all this time.

Dear Wen Bin,

Thanks to be with me all the time when I faced that unexpected moment. I knew your effort, to choose the present which meant so much for me. Do not blame yourself on what had happen because you are the one who hurt the most in this incident. I love you as my sis, someone precious for me. You know me well, and we have seen each other changes from time to time. We experienced so many ups-and-downs, happiness and sadness and still we are together, and I really hope, we will be together forever.

Dear Yuen,

Thanks for your love and care all this time. We knew each other since primary but the time when we get closer to each other was when we were after Form 5. I feel sorry to you for the decision I made and I knew it hurts you. You are the one I rely on when I was bored and sad. I still remember how we tease each other, having so many jokes and shared all those sweet memories we have with Wen Bin. Honestly, I really appreciate someone like you, who willing to be with me. Sorry for being selfish that I wish to keep our relationship as what we have now and forgive me for choosing not to move forward as what you hope for.

Dear Sis Venus,

We knew each other since we were young, or I should say the time you came to this world, is almost the time when I have my first heartbeat. We are so closed together even until now. Uncountable memories that we had shared - the first makeup we had, the first duet we had, the time when the school holiday started, the time when we sing k together, the time we had our parapara dance, the time when we cried, the time we move forward to our own dreams. I am glad to see you have someone who truly loves you, who willing to walk down the aisle and share the rest of his life with you. I knew what you have experienced and I knew what you truly need. And now you found it and grab it tightly in your hands. All the bad things will go, and rainbow comes after the rain. No matter what happen, we are always bind to each other-not only the blood that we have, but the heart that love and care each other.

Dear gangs (Ros, Gia, Chris, Elaine, June, May, Fish,Esther, Sim Yee)

All this time, we still together even though we are far apart. Hardly for me to describe, how grateful am I to have you all as my companions, my true friends. It is not easy to have a lasting friendship. All the changes we have, all the happiness and sadness that we share, all of these binds us together and make the bond getting stronger. When I need you all, you’ll be there. You are a part of my life, the person that I could not live without after my family. No one could understand me more than you did because you have seen me grow up as what I am, help me through with most of the circumstances. I have you all every of my birthday celebration, not only the presents that I always bring along, but the hearts that be with me all the time.

Dear angels (Cam, Yee Mun, and Shuang)

Besides my gang, you are the person that I love and pamper. I am meant to be your guardian angel, who always prays for your happiness. I am happy to know that you are a leading a sweet moment in your life and do remember I will always be with you when you need me. When you need a shoulder to rely, I am here. When you need ears to listen to you, I am here. When you need someone to company you, I am here. I remember the time you cried, which really hurt me deeply. So promise me, be strong and happy. Your smile and happiness are always my best medicine to cheer up my days.

Dear I2 members (Heng Yee, Sharon, Felicia, Siak Wei, Johnny)

Even though we knew each other for only a year, fate brings us together. We are from different background and states, but we share a common thing that binds us together. It is not easy to find a friend, in a place which is competitive. I am lucky to have not only one, but five of you to share the rest of my university life together. No matter what will happen in the future, I truly hope that we will still be with each other, to build up a strong team, to create the dreams of our own, and to achieve the success that waiting for us.

Dear T2 members,

Thanks for being my classmate and a part of my sweet memories for my university life. Thanks to all of you who have such a warm heart that brighten up my life and make me proud of. Thanks to May, the class-rep that always helpful and responsible. Thanks to Freda, Phine and Herng who accept me as a team member when the time I was almost giving up myself. You lend me your hand, you give me your trust, and you bring back my hope to be with you all again.

Dear Debate Teammates,

Sorry for making you all disappointed and thank you for letting me to be with you even though it was only a short period. Thanks for teaching me the knowledge and the beauty for the art of debate. Thanks for telling me the importance of the teamwork. Thanks for showing me your forgiveness on my attitude and weakness. Thanks to Lemon, Iris, and Sze Won for being my sisters and accept me as a part of the family. Thanks for all the seniors that put so much efforts to make me grow. Thanks to make me feel belonging when I was helpless.

Dear Fai,

Thanks for being the person that make me learn and think. All the things that you have taught and helped me all this moment meant so much in my life. Thanks for the happiness and memories that you gave me which I will always appreciate and keep it in my heart. Thanks for the smiles that cheers me up when I was down. Thanks for the advices that make me grow and be tough. Thanks for being the person who were so special for me. Thanks for still being my friend.

Dear Alan,

Thanks for the surprises and care that you gave me during my worst moments. Thanks for the calls and messages that brighten my days and bring back my smile. Thanks for promises and cheers that cure my wound. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to know someone like you who brings me dreams and cares. You make me smile every time I received your calls in the late night. You make me miss the time which I feel someone need my care. I truly wish that someday we will meet again; someday you will remember me again.

Dear Yumi, Mei Yi, Leonard Dai Lou, Poh Yee, Keat Lim, Hui Chien, Daddy Zi Lie, Janeto San, Kah Woi, Kin Mun Gor Gor, Wai Quan Jie Jie, Leng Zai Wye Kitt, Yew Ren, Yoke Ling, Khim Chew, Dorothy, Wai Leong, Qiao Ying, Sue Li, Alexander, Liang Chuen, Shu Lim, Lai Teng and all those who called, sms, sent message through Friendster and Facebook to wish me Happy Birthday.

Thanks for remembering my birthday and still remember me even though we have been lost contact for a long time. Thanks for giving me the feeling of belonging. I wouldn’t be what I am now without you all.

***I will not wish for more, I wish to keep what I already have now – my family and my friends. I am lucky enough to have the family who love and pamper me. I am lucky enough to have friends that support me. I am lucky enough to have colleagues that are helpful and role models for my future career. I am lucky enough to have all of these***

I LOVE YOU ALL. THANKS FOR BEING A PART IN MY LIFE.

幸福，别离开我

我，似乎在这里消失了一段时间-工作上的忙碌，充斥了我的时间。夜深人静，我，没有睡意。明天要提早上班，还有一堆堆工作还没完成，报告也没时间写。此时的心情，难于形容。我，灵魂好像不见了。

8月8日，北京奥运开幕。当时的我，刚刚抵达芙蓉的酒店，来得及看看那张艺谋张导演的佳作，感谢我的大佬让我们放肆的悠闲看开幕，运动员进场后才开始我们的准备工作。芙蓉过后，便前往新山出发-进行那2天的活动。我并不累，因为途中可以小睡一段时间。回来了，才是要烦恼的时候。

这篇部落格的开头，是否很无聊呢？我不知道，因为我已不知道该怎么开头了。首先是因为辩论组，我在里面应该是最会逃避，最不长进的那一个。我知道他们的努力和付出，然而拉曼大学却常被人灌上差劲的称号-不是别人，而是本身拉曼的学生灌上的。有时，我真的很不明白，为什么有些人总是漠视别人的努力呢？辩论组输了，我的心很疼很痛，也知道付出未必有回报。看着姐妹的部落格，我掉下了眼泪，全辩离我们而去，或许也意味着我们即将分离。我，还有1年的大学日子，总觉得今年的日子过得好快哦！我，舍不得啊！好不容易有姐妹们陪着我，好不容易有岛民哄着我，好不容易遇到肯一起奋斗的组员，怎么这么快就结束呢？思咏思云丽敏姐妹，还记得去年我们4个人唯一2次的辩论吗？就是在我第一次和你们集训的时候，大伙儿都还聚在一起的时候吗？还有机会吗？不能一起辩论，一起疯狂的唱K，可以吗？

今年的这段时候，和去年不一样。第一份生日礼物，是我想要很久的戒指。已经快要放弃的时候，那枚戒指却来到了我手中。感谢缤，为我选的这份礼物。感谢源，对我的呵护和体谅。我曾和缤说过：我希望缤，源和豪来送给我这枚戒指。随着我们之间的破裂，只剩下我们3人的时候，想的到这枚戒指的心消失了。虽然渴望，但只有窥望，不敢欲望。人生，就是这么奥妙。当你越想要，你得不到。但你若顺其自然，或许冥冥中注定你就会得到。我得到的，不只是这枚戒指，还有缤和源对我的爱。听着他们说着如何为我挑选礼物，如何斟酌，就只是为了那小小的心意，我真的很感动。

除此以外，桦和伶今年也会回来陪我过生日耶！好久好久，没有一起庆祝了。每一次死党聚会总会少一两个美女陪在我身旁，今年怎么让我过得这么幸福呢？

幸福的感觉接踵而来，但我知道幸福的感觉很难持久下去的。总一天我们会分离-就好像再过不久我得和Irene大姐大，WQ姐姐，Leonard大佬，JOLENE姐姐，和MS ANG分开，真的有点舍不得。实习生来了又走，或许在他们心目中我只是一个过客，但他们教导我很多很多，特别是LEONARD大佬-要求高，挑剔多，但他真的是一个很好很好的学长。在他身上，学到很多，也知道他其实很疼我们，最起码他常因为我的小粗心而丢脸，却只是罗嗦几句，没有重重的责备我。对他，又敬又畏，真的很想在他身边继续学习。很想重新上课，却不想离开他们，可能吗？

被幸福包围的我，很想自私的幸福下去，可以吗？

我，很自私，也很幼稚

这篇，应该是与大家分享我在KOTA BAHRU的点点滴滴。在那里，我学习的不少，过得也很开心。自个儿也慢慢的了解什么是该做的，什么是不应该的。然而，我必须把那一切耽搁到下一篇。原因有二：一是照片还没到手，难于利用言语来表达。二是从那里回来后发生一件令我意想不到的事，想在这儿说说我心里的话。

那一通电话，如往常一样-每当我无聊，他就是我最好的听众，听我唠叨。他爱欺负我，作弄我。他会安慰我，让我撒娇。他的存在，并不是很多人知道，因为我不曾和朋友分享过有关他的事。他的存在，或许是一种习惯，知道不管过了多久的岁月，我们的感情依然不变。当他离开时，很不舍，但没有心痛-他是为未来而离开，为家人而离开。对他到底是怎样的感觉？我真的不知道！因为他有别于那个曾经的人，有别于那个暧昧的人。

这一天的电话，很平凡，都是谈些我最近的事，谈些他即将回来的安排，谈些那段曾经发生在我们周围的事。不同的是，他问了我一道问题，一道我意想不到的问题。至今，我不知道要如何作答。对我而言，因为那是一道很深奥的问题。或许对别人来说，它是一道简单不过的问题。但我知道，我给的答案，必须经过深思熟虑，从各方面分析以及假设的思考后才能做答。我，没把握作答。我相信很多人会骂我，会讲我，更免不了说我自私。说真的，对他，我的确很自私。我奢望他继续如以前一样对我，也不希望改变现状。因为现在的我很幸福，我的幸福当中有许多人，也少不了他。

我是一个很笨的人，是一个很自私的人，也是一个很傻的人。我只会作伤害别人的事，也常作伤害自己的事。或许，我又会再一次伤害一个对我好的人了。我，真是无药可救了。

夜深人静时，你想起谁呢？

夜深人静，忙了一整天却没有一点睡意。手头上有截至的报告还没整理完毕，还有工作上的资料还没做完，还有好多好多的事情要处理。但，不知为什么，我只想好好整理房间，整理自己的思绪。

真正在这一行工作，虽然只是一个实习生，扮演的只是一个小助理，然而忙碌的上司自然也会有忙碌的助理。当他有压力时，自然而然我的压力更大。时间固然过的很快，不知不觉已工作了两个月-剩余的两个月应该也会在不知不觉中瞬间而过，特别是接下来的日子将是活动的重头戏，更是分秒必争，还嫌时间不够呢！

想着想着，我真的适合在这样的环境吗？我并非后悔，只是想到未来的日子将会以这样的方式渡过，时间的约束不再容许你浪费时间，虚度青春，更别说是悠悠闲闲过日子了。我，有资格吗？我，有能力吗？我，可以承受吗？真的，在这里我学到很多。我知道我在语文上的不足，我知道我对于事实的不了解，我知道我的表达能力比我想象的差。我变得好渺小，这样简单的实习生的工作都做不好，何时才能独当一面呢？

每当满脑子杂念时，往往我都会选择收拾房间，就好像整理思绪一样。将杂乱的房间整理一番，犹如将自己重整好。当我正在整理抽屉时，两封变黄的信纸落入我眼中。原来我的人生里，曾出现这样的一个人。那是一位只有片面之缘，而我却鼓起勇气得到他的地址和电话的人。曾经对他充满期待，曾经因为他的来信的开心不已，曾经为他每个星期五不睡觉聊电话，曾经希望开信箱会看到他的回信，曾经约定在圣诞前夕见面，曾经因为他的失约的伤心。原来对他有过这么多的曾经。

到现在还没有机会重逢，不晓得以后还可能有这么的一天吗？想见他，并不是为了爱情什么的，只是我想找回当时的自己。如今的我，不敢有期待，不敢有勇气，不敢有约定。人，是会长大的，会改变。但是我希望曾经的那个我并不要消失，那么单纯的我，那么期待的我，以及那么勇敢的我。

不久后的我，将踏入22岁了。此时的我聆听着陶喆的“二十二”，形容的真是贴切。或许，真的，我应该鼓起勇气，寻找这位失散的朋友，寻找迷失的自己。